Blonde, Sweat & Wine

Not sure why it is, maybe it's anxiety or metabolism, but the older I get the more I am effected by insomnia. A random noise can wake me up at 3am and bam! Up for the day! Most frustrating thing ever! However, since I am up I might as well blog a little update y'all on my life these days! Not that you're actually following but hey, we're all a little curious sometimes, lol! Since my last post regarding my education, I have been approved to re-enroll into the nursing program I used to attend. The program has changed deans, curriculum, and instructors but has the same great advisors who motivated me to come back and achieve my goals! So that is pretty exciting! I am starting in January; with the said, I am beginning to get a little nervous. Granted, it has been 4 long years since that whole ordeal and I have matured a ton! But still, when you are traumatized by such a thing it can be hard to attempt it again! My fears aren't that I won't know what I'm do...

So over the last few years I have struggled with admitting and treating my own personal demon of anxiety. I have many friends who have a similar struggle and agree that prior to becoming it's prey, we thought anxiety was a total joke. I mean, when I would witness an anxiety attack I would just think, 'come on, pull it together sister!'. But now that I tend to deal with it on the daily, it is a very real monster. To have your own brain betray you as such is a difficult thing to grasp. Going from a perfectly rational person to trying to prevent anything and everything that could possibly happen, you look at yourself and think 'jeez! What a nutcase!'. Treating my anxiety wasn't an easy task, especially since I began treating mine at the end of a relationship and while being completely alone. It was a daily struggle and I really didn't feel like anyone would understand without being judgemental. I also used substances as my release, we all know I love my wine....

So over the last few years I have struggled with admitting and treating my own personal demon of anxiety. I have many friends who have a similar struggle and agree that prior to becoming it's prey, we thought anxiety was a total joke. I mean, when I would witness an anxiety attack I would just think, 'come on, pull it together sister!'. But now that I tend to deal with it on the daily, it is a very real monster. To have your own brain betray you as such is a difficult thing to grasp. Going from a perfectly rational person to trying to prevent anything and everything that could possibly happen, you look at yourself and think 'jeez! What a nutcase!'. Treating my anxiety wasn't an easy task, especially since I began treating mine at the end of a relationship and while being completely alone. It was a daily struggle and I really didn't feel like anyone would understand without being judgemental. I also used substances as my release, we all know I love my wine....

You've all read my story on my dream career and how my educational path didn't go quite the way I wanted it to 4 years ago. Well, as a very stubborn and strong headed woman, I am sick and tired of the almost. As of current, I work as a medical assistant, not a nurse, for a dermatology office. This isn't my dream job and definitely not what I pictured four years ago while I was starting the adult 2 section of nursing school. I had just gotten out of the hospital a few days prior and I was determined to continue on my way to my dream career. I guess what did not know at the time was that I am not in control of my life or the plans for my life. Well that was then and this is now, as I am taking the appropriate steps on this new educational path I am creating for myself. I was interested a local LPN program recently thinking the best way to get to my goal of becoming an RN would be through bridging to the university here. One mishap after another and a hurricane (thanks Ir...

I've decided to write down things that I have learned thus far in 2017! Here we go! 10. Don't feel obligated to keep up with the trends. So many times I see something via social media and I am immediately unsure when it came in style. For example, bikinis with the most ridiculous tan lines and sayings like "cray cray" or SMH (shake my head). I have to thank the Urban Dictionary for that last one. Everyday there is something new to do or keep up with and for the majority of my twenties, I would be willing to break the bank just to up on it and in with the cool kids. These days I am not ashamed to say priorities have changed and I couldn't care less. I have learned what I like and what I am comfortable with, those things will stay. Stuff is just stuff, keep that in mind! 9. Shamelessly staying in on the weekends. I don't have an issue with the occasional nights out, but our parents weren't lying when they said nothing good happens after mi...

I have posted before about my career and what happened that curbed my journey in nursing school. It has taken a long time, alot of research, and a good amount of courage and support to get my heart and mind ready to return as a student. Thankfully, I have the best motivation and I know I can definitely do it now. The first half of this year handed me my pride and visions of where I swore I thought I'd be at this point in life. Perhaps that is why it has taken me so long to feel prepared to return and accomplish what I set out to do 5 years ago. I am looking forward to continuing on but I am really going to have to swallow my pride and go back to square one. I have been in the medical field for nearly 10 years, I have done the CNA thing in the hospital, I have seen babies born, held the hand of a mom-to-be who lost her baby, I have talked to someone who was delivered news of a terminal illness, I have seen a lot. This is the pride I'll need to "suck" up as soon as I ...

Written with a glass of vino in hand and Netflix on the TV. While looking for something to watch to pass the time until Michael gets off shift and I go into work tomorrow, I find 13 Going on 30. In less than 2 months, I'll be entering the last years of my 20s. When I pictured this time in my head about 10 years ago, it looked completely different. Now mind you, I have lived and learned more than most people that I know. I almost completed nursing school until the diagnosis of diabetes, I have had more unique family drama which has taught me a lot, I have had a variety of relationships which has taught me how to be appreciative for the current one that I am in. However, I did not realize that I would be where I am less than two months of my 29th birthday. So where should I be? This is the question that I have been asking myself for the last couple of months. Should I be a career head honcho? Should I be a mom with children? Should I be content? Only time will tell. However, I fe...

Since being in a new relationship adventure, I get to learn about another person's heart. You get to be the stranger, the outsider to that person's whole history can be exciting and overwhelming. You hope and pray that you are there to stay and grow into their future. It's a scary, exciting, crazy, heart-pounding time in the "honeymoon" phase. Luckily for me, Michael is quite understanding to my past as I am to his. He has an amazing, intelligent 9 year old son, whom I have fallen equally for as I have his father. It's been a ride learning to be "dad's girlfriend" but we have fun and he teaches me more each day. The world from his point of view is new and nostalgic. Michael is an amazing father, as well as a beautiful person inside and out. I have known him for quite some time and he still makes me appreciate him everyday in his own way. He makes me want to be a better person and has already made me feel like I'm loved. One thing so sc...

Oh Florida summers... Goodness, is it hot?! Growing up in Fort Myers, you lived for Disney Original Movie marathons, ice cream, pool day and that rainy 3pm nap. That was life for us! After living in Central Florida for a little bit, I will say there is no better cure my Summer woes except for being in Fort Myers. Don't get me wrong, Mt Dora was beautiful but there is just something about my hometown! This week was the second at the new dermatology job, I'm slowly but surely learning the lingo. I have been in the medical field 10 years, but this specialty has a language all it's own! It's hard to keep your confidence, this position is more hands on involving anesthesia and sutures, but I'll get there! I will say though, I truly despise being the "new girl". Everyone asks the same question, patients and peers are a tad nervous since you're a stranger and all they have to go off of for your experience is your word. It's intimidating but adds to ...

This time last week I was huddled up in bed with a bottle of red watching Friends through tear filled, red rimmed eyes and praying that 4:30am Monday June 5th didn't happen.... On Thursday, my little maniac of a fur baby was fine. Happy-go-lucky, driving me up the wall as per his usual. Michael and I took his sweet 9 year-old son Jaden to play video games and to watch a movie. We came home and crashed to waken up to a little sleepy puppy. Thinking Trigger stayed up all night inhaling a new, HUGE bone, we went on to the library. We spent the day with him in the pool, he seemed like his little rambunctious self again. Then Saturday came, he was a cuddler, which he has not been since he was about 2 months old. What was wrong with my little one? Thinking that his little tummy was upset from eating a massive bone in sitting, I spoke with my friends stepmom who is a vet. She reassured me that prilosec should help with the upset tummy and clear em right up. Then Saturday night, the ...

One thing I have a learned in my first 20-something years is that I have no control over the timing of my life events. At 25, I was carefree, in nursing school, single and having the time of my life with my best friends. Two weeks later on the night of my mom's birthday, I was hit with the reality mack truck. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes, 4 months after my younger brother had the same diagnosis. I was determined to jump back into life despite a terminal but manageable life sentence. After a week long hospitalization and a total life change, I tried to fall back into the routine and failed miserably. After a kidney infection and more bad news, I failed and withdrew from nursing school. I was heartbroken. I was angry, I just wanted a "normal" life. I saw my sister marry her high school sweetheart and have the most beautiful family. I saw my best friends get engaged and blissfully fall into matrimony. Friends graduate and have successful careers. I was enviou...

As you may or may have not noticed, I have been MIA for the last few months. Starting the new year, events happened that have drastically changed my life. There were lots of tears, tests, and challenges but all resulted in Brad and I ending our relationship. No I don't need a shoulder to cry on, I am doing well. The hardest part was deciding on whether or not to move back to Fort Myers, granted, this decision has been decided and I will continue on once everything has been solidified. The best and worst part of ending any kind of relationship, is that it forces you to re-evaluate you as a person, the you that you want to be in the future, and that can be really painful. You will learn who to trust, who you know you won't ever see again, and who really is just in it for the juicy details. I am lucky to say that, even though no break up is easy, I'm a strong Southern woman who will trudge on! I realized quickly in the midst of moving on that I have always put myself last ...

So it has been one hot minute since I have posted! Life has gotten a tad more hectic by 4 paws! Well, to catch ya up! I have been permanently working in a beautifully chaotic internal medicine office for about 2 weeks now! I love it! I am exhausted but the day flies and I am learning so much! I love my work family and the doctor that I work for is quirky like me so it's a great fit! My partner and I! If you know me, then you know I've been dying to become a dog mom! I had tried when we were renting but pet deposits were ridiculous! Well, a few weeks ago, Brad spotted a pup during Mount Dora art fest. He was a guide dog for his owner, super mellow and a very beautiful puppy. He was a Boykin Spaniel, Brad was hooked and I was taking full advantage of him actually deciding on a breed! After researching, we found a breeder and before Brad knew it, I was putting down a deposit on our new fur baby! Brad tried to say he wasn't excited, but since little one has joined our f...

There is just something about my mama's cooking that made a normal Wednesday feel like a special occasion. Growing up, Spring was signified by a surprise of two strawberry pies in the fridge after school. One for us, one for a family member, sometimes three or four more just because my mom loves gifting with desserts! Lately, I have been dying for my mom's strawberry pie. Mainly because she flaunted that she made some the other day and it's all I can think about. I haven't had it since my diagnosis and I really hated the fact that the recipe contains 1 cup of sugar AND strawberry jello. Definitely a no-go for me! So I made it low-carb! Unfortunately, Brad was not a fan, but that just means more for me! I will acknowledge that the change the "diet" products was tough but now that I'm used to it, most things are just too sweet. I am looking forward to devouring this pie all week long!! Right outta mama's notebook! I substituted Stevia for the suga...