Skip to main content

The Renegade and the Romantic

As you may or may have not noticed, I have been MIA for the last few months. Starting the new year, events happened that have drastically changed my life. There were lots of tears, tests, and challenges but all resulted in Brad and I ending our relationship. No I don't need a shoulder to cry on, I am doing well. The hardest part was deciding on whether or not to move back to Fort Myers, granted, this decision has been decided and I will continue on once everything has been solidified. The best and worst part of ending any kind of relationship, is that it forces you to re-evaluate you as a person, the you that you want to be in the future, and that can be really painful. You will learn who to trust, who you know you won't ever see again, and who really is just in it for the juicy details. I am lucky to say that, even though no break up is easy, I'm a strong Southern woman who will trudge on!

I realized quickly in the midst of moving on that I have always put myself last in a relationship. I have spent countless hours stressing over what the other person needs, will want, what will upset them, and how to prevent any kind of disaster that may upset them or cause a fight. Well, ladies and gents, this sh*t made me lose my sh*t. Pardon my French! But it did! I lost myself in that relationship and I have never noticed until this last few months that this has happened in every single relationship I'd been in, romantic or otherwise. 
This was ridiculous to me and needed to be fixed ASAP! Why in the world did I subject myself to this kind of torture?! No one else allowed it but me, and now I had to fall in love with myself. Screw what Joe Blow wants, time for Allie to love Allie (corny, right!?). In February, I adopted a sweet pup named Trigger, he is a Boykin Spaniel and originally, I didn't expect to be a solo fur mama but that's how the cards fell. This little munchkin has been a rock. The goofy grin, golden eyes, and continuous love made every day easier. Didn't really help him much, he is a tad (okay, ALOT) dependent now, but it's a work in progress. But he has been a great form of therapy. I also chose to go back home to Fort Myers alot to spend time with my family. I don't mind the drive, I use it as me time to jam out to my old school pop and country and think. 
I have really fallen for myself, I love that I'm patient, kind, and loyal to a fault. I'm brutally honest and have no shame or filter. Obviously, I try to please people and justify everything, but with help, I'm learning through that. I have a good heart, I love my family, friends, and patients. I will wake up at 2am for a phone call without grumping, I will help anyone, be the shoulder someone wants to cry on, listen before judging, and hold without explanation. I am not being cocky or gloating, but this isn't easy for me to write. This is that interview question I dread with a passion! This time of relocation and adjustment has taught me alot about myself. 
From the beginning, it has gone so fast!
So, now instead of worrying about explaining my relationships, goals, decisions, and future. I'll be blogging about things I love, where I go, who I meet, the wines I try, and my achievements! It should be fun. No, I don't know what will happen. I know that I am letting God take the driver's seat and I'm enjoying the ride. If I fall in love tomorrow, so be it. If I take a crazy job and travel the world, then okay. Blank slate, I'm ready! Stay tuned!!

..xobb
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Growth, Perspective, and Silence

"Some days, I can conquer the world. Other days, it takes me three hours to convince myself to shower"- the perfect Pinterest quote! This 27th year has been one of growth and reflection. I truly thought looking at 27 year-old people then that by the time I had reached this point that I would be an independent, sexy, confident woman with this spectacular job and a hardworking stud by my side! Some of this came true, but not much! I've got the stud, that's about it! That being said, I came into this year thinking that I knew who I was, where I was heading and that I had a great man to share it all with. One thing that people normally won't tell you is that when your relationship becomes committed and you're around the other person practically 24/7, they begin to see your flaws and, if you're as lucky as I am, they begin to help you become a better person. One thing that anyone who knows us will tell you is that when you meet the beau and I for the first ti...
Post a Comment
Read more

We Don't Talk About That...

Mental health has never been a "hot topic" or a common dinner conversation, it is usually dusted under the rug and left to fester til another day. Honestly, I'm writing this for my own mental health, rather my sanity. Since this virus took over our lives, being forced to live completely out of the norm has made mental health become a little bit more of a subject but not by much. Being bored and forced to be in the same house almost 24/7 can cause you to focus on things you wouldn't normally think about. This is also true for myself. Up until now, I haven't really discussed with anyone but close friends and family what I have struggled with for a long time. To me, you talk about it and everyone will think you're looney. Well, I'm over it and tired of hiding it so here goes! When I lived in Orlando, I had extremely high anxiety for the first time. I was basically alone full time miles away from my hometown. I tried so desperately to avoid facing what I...
Post a Comment
Read more

Thirty-Onederful!

Today I turned 31, it was a different birthday vibe than I usually have. Typically, I get really into my plans and can't wait for the day to come. Maybe it is because our plans changed drastically suddenly or because of the imminent threat of the hurricane looming in the back of my mind. But today ended up much better than originally anticipated! Of course, I needed the birthday Snapchat filter! Our plans were to go to Croom which is a motocross park ran by the state. The property used to be phosphate mines in Brooksville, it has since been used for motocross celebs and locals for enjoyment. Last minute, literally 5 hours before we were supposed to head north, the boyfriend tells me that due to the pain in the rump hurricane barreling towards the east coast they are closing the park. Talk about blonde emoji facepalm, ugh!! Now, I do not ride a dirt bike, heck I barely have the coordination to walk and chew gum at the same time. But I enjoy disconnecting, hiking, and relaxin...
Post a Comment
Read more