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The Renegade and the Romantic

As you may or may have not noticed, I have been MIA for the last few months. Starting the new year, events happened that have drastically changed my life. There were lots of tears, tests, and challenges but all resulted in Brad and I ending our relationship. No I don't need a shoulder to cry on, I am doing well. The hardest part was deciding on whether or not to move back to Fort Myers, granted, this decision has been decided and I will continue on once everything has been solidified. The best and worst part of ending any kind of relationship, is that it forces you to re-evaluate you as a person, the you that you want to be in the future, and that can be really painful. You will learn who to trust, who you know you won't ever see again, and who really is just in it for the juicy details. I am lucky to say that, even though no break up is easy, I'm a strong Southern woman who will trudge on!

I realized quickly in the midst of moving on that I have always put myself last in a relationship. I have spent countless hours stressing over what the other person needs, will want, what will upset them, and how to prevent any kind of disaster that may upset them or cause a fight. Well, ladies and gents, this sh*t made me lose my sh*t. Pardon my French! But it did! I lost myself in that relationship and I have never noticed until this last few months that this has happened in every single relationship I'd been in, romantic or otherwise. 
This was ridiculous to me and needed to be fixed ASAP! Why in the world did I subject myself to this kind of torture?! No one else allowed it but me, and now I had to fall in love with myself. Screw what Joe Blow wants, time for Allie to love Allie (corny, right!?). In February, I adopted a sweet pup named Trigger, he is a Boykin Spaniel and originally, I didn't expect to be a solo fur mama but that's how the cards fell. This little munchkin has been a rock. The goofy grin, golden eyes, and continuous love made every day easier. Didn't really help him much, he is a tad (okay, ALOT) dependent now, but it's a work in progress. But he has been a great form of therapy. I also chose to go back home to Fort Myers alot to spend time with my family. I don't mind the drive, I use it as me time to jam out to my old school pop and country and think. 
I have really fallen for myself, I love that I'm patient, kind, and loyal to a fault. I'm brutally honest and have no shame or filter. Obviously, I try to please people and justify everything, but with help, I'm learning through that. I have a good heart, I love my family, friends, and patients. I will wake up at 2am for a phone call without grumping, I will help anyone, be the shoulder someone wants to cry on, listen before judging, and hold without explanation. I am not being cocky or gloating, but this isn't easy for me to write. This is that interview question I dread with a passion! This time of relocation and adjustment has taught me alot about myself. 
From the beginning, it has gone so fast!
So, now instead of worrying about explaining my relationships, goals, decisions, and future. I'll be blogging about things I love, where I go, who I meet, the wines I try, and my achievements! It should be fun. No, I don't know what will happen. I know that I am letting God take the driver's seat and I'm enjoying the ride. If I fall in love tomorrow, so be it. If I take a crazy job and travel the world, then okay. Blank slate, I'm ready! Stay tuned!!

..xobb
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