Single Hard, Love Harder

Since being in a new relationship adventure, I get to learn about another person's heart. You get to be the stranger, the outsider to that person's whole history can be exciting and overwhelming. You hope and pray that you are there to stay and grow into their future. It's a scary, exciting, crazy, heart-pounding time in the "honeymoon" phase.

Luckily for me, Michael is quite understanding to my past as I am to his. He has an amazing, intelligent 9 year old son, whom I have fallen equally for as I have his father. It's been a ride learning to be "dad's girlfriend" but we have fun and he teaches me more each day. The world from his point of view is new and nostalgic. Michael is an amazing father, as well as a beautiful person inside and out. I have known him for quite some time and he still makes me appreciate him everyday in his own way. He makes me want to be a better person and has already made me feel like I'm loved.

One thing so scary to me about me is how hard I love someone, people in my life in general. I am scared and timid to love but once I do, I love hard and true. I try to be as selfless as possible, putting myself in their shoes. It's overwhelming to me, especially with my constant anxiety and over thinking. You try not to see what the person was before you, try not to compare yourself to their past. But it can be difficult.

I think the hardest part for me is trying to quiet the insecurities I come with. Obviously everyone, especially in the late twenties-early thirties, who has had any kind of life filled with chance taking comes with baggage. Whether it is anxiety, a marriage, child, or any other type of wall that person has built. You just hope and pray they trust you and love you enough to allow you to take that wall or walls do day by day, or metaphorically brick by brick.

I guess this is more of a reflection than anything. Sometimes thoughts get built up and I can't even sleep. Thankfully this blog is a good release for me. I have to take each day, sometimes each moment one at a time and try not to get overwhelmed with thinking into the future. I do not know what the future holds, man wouldn't it be nice if I did! I look forward to what's ahead, I pray that this is the end of my search for my person. Only time will tell. I didn't plan to fall, but I did, and I fell hard. Lord, I just pray he keeps me safe and protect my heart... Until next time..

..xobb

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