Mental health has never been a "hot topic" or a common dinner conversation, it is usually dusted under the rug and left to fester til another day.
Honestly, I'm writing this for my own mental health, rather my sanity. Since this virus took over our lives, being forced to live completely out of the norm has made mental health become a little bit more of a subject but not by much. Being bored and forced to be in the same house almost 24/7 can cause you to focus on things you wouldn't normally think about. This is also true for myself.
Up until now, I haven't really discussed with anyone but close friends and family what I have struggled with for a long time. To me, you talk about it and everyone will think you're looney. Well, I'm over it and tired of hiding it so here goes!
When I lived in Orlando, I had extremely high anxiety for the first time. I was basically alone full time miles away from my hometown. I tried so desperately to avoid facing what I knew was the underlying problem, my mom has anxiety as well and encourage me to speak to my PCP (primary care physician) about it. I did, was placed on an anti-anxiety med, felt a little bit for the most part. Fast forward, I choose to stop taking such medications because an ex convinced me I didn't need it. Bad decision.
Back to present day, I ended a hazardous, unhealthy relationships full of lies in the fall and move back in with my mom. Not my favorite but living in the area solo is very expensive, I also had three separate living arrangements fall through last minute within two month. Talk about stressful!! Then add a major family dilemma, throw in a change of work schedule/income, and a worldwide pandemic; you see where this is headed. The stress was overwhelming, I found myself drinking alot more and being extremely hard on myself. Like who is 31, single (never engaged or married), no children, not content with my career, living with her mother? I felt like a total failure.
In January, I started a relationship with a sweet man; he is a straight shooter. Well, one good thing is that he isn't afraid to tell you like it is, this can be good and bad. The things he brought to my attention gave me that infamous "ah ha" moment that feels like a mental truck hit you in the gut. I restarted my anxiety med after alot of thought and began my research. See, what I didn't tell you was that when I went to said PCP is that he diagnosed me with OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder. I was completely shocked as I thought that was someone who has to turn a light switch on and off a certain amount of times before relaxing. After a few days of reading articles and researching the disorder, I learned there are many subtypes of OCD unlike the one portrayed in the sentence before.
I was obsessing over every little detail of every little thing, overthinking and over analyzing everything until I stressed myself into oblivion. After learning all I have, I feel better and can finally feel myself relaxing. It does certainly help that my living situation has greatly improved! But now I am starting to learn ways to control my anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Basically, I learned that mental health is greatly misunderstood and there is nothing to be ashamed of, alot more people have what I have but they've never been diagnosed. With all this said, I am glad I was forced to face the truth about myself. Taking deep breaths and learning to relax, not control every situation. No, it won't be overnight, it is something I will have to continuously think about but it is worth it. Like I said, I wrote this for myself to cope and treat what is going on with my own mental health. But if it helped you, I'm glad! Don't be ashamed, seek help, and be open to different treatments!
Honestly, I'm writing this for my own mental health, rather my sanity. Since this virus took over our lives, being forced to live completely out of the norm has made mental health become a little bit more of a subject but not by much. Being bored and forced to be in the same house almost 24/7 can cause you to focus on things you wouldn't normally think about. This is also true for myself.
Up until now, I haven't really discussed with anyone but close friends and family what I have struggled with for a long time. To me, you talk about it and everyone will think you're looney. Well, I'm over it and tired of hiding it so here goes!
When I lived in Orlando, I had extremely high anxiety for the first time. I was basically alone full time miles away from my hometown. I tried so desperately to avoid facing what I knew was the underlying problem, my mom has anxiety as well and encourage me to speak to my PCP (primary care physician) about it. I did, was placed on an anti-anxiety med, felt a little bit for the most part. Fast forward, I choose to stop taking such medications because an ex convinced me I didn't need it. Bad decision.
Back to present day, I ended a hazardous, unhealthy relationships full of lies in the fall and move back in with my mom. Not my favorite but living in the area solo is very expensive, I also had three separate living arrangements fall through last minute within two month. Talk about stressful!! Then add a major family dilemma, throw in a change of work schedule/income, and a worldwide pandemic; you see where this is headed. The stress was overwhelming, I found myself drinking alot more and being extremely hard on myself. Like who is 31, single (never engaged or married), no children, not content with my career, living with her mother? I felt like a total failure.
In January, I started a relationship with a sweet man; he is a straight shooter. Well, one good thing is that he isn't afraid to tell you like it is, this can be good and bad. The things he brought to my attention gave me that infamous "ah ha" moment that feels like a mental truck hit you in the gut. I restarted my anxiety med after alot of thought and began my research. See, what I didn't tell you was that when I went to said PCP is that he diagnosed me with OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder. I was completely shocked as I thought that was someone who has to turn a light switch on and off a certain amount of times before relaxing. After a few days of reading articles and researching the disorder, I learned there are many subtypes of OCD unlike the one portrayed in the sentence before.
..xo diabetic blonde
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