"We should balance every negative interaction with 10 positive ones."
Since my last post, I've hit a negative wall and let it consume all of me. I'm ashamed to say all the work I did in the past months went down the drain when I allowed myself to lose focus and gain attention of negativity surrounding me. Shameful as I feel it may be, I have realized it, over analyzed it way too much, and now have decided to get off my prideful steed and face it all head on. Bradley's job is a blessing, to have a hard working man who does all he does to build our life and future is a God send. Sometimes, I get very selfish and want him to be where I want him when I want him to be. This is quite laughable. If you know either Brad or myself, you know we are an interesting breed. We are very similar hence why we have chosen each other. The differences, however, stem from my sensitivity and his lack thereof. I am more off the wall where he is more grounded. He is secure in his feelings and I can be swayed. He is quick to anger, I am bursting with patience. But all in all, this is the man God gave me and with him, came the challenges that he wanted to put me through so I would become the woman he wanted me to be.
All of that said, I messed up. After the move, I was semi-positive. The usual stresses existed but I slowly let illness and negativity take over. Brad left the day after our anniversary, and up to that point, we had been fighting pretty heavily. He had been home for awhile, we were finding the kinks in our new home, and I was attempting to keep our picturesque looking social media perfect. I was slowly losing the losing fight that I have preached against having in the first place. After he left, I was relieved. We had spent over two weeks together and I hadn't had chance to breathe in the new house alone. I was looking forward to it. I was positive, looking at fall decorations and getting excited about making this home our home. Well, I was placed in a very negative office for the first week after he left, and I thought that my positive thinking would overcome this having any effect of me. Wrongo! During the second week he was gone, I started stressing about everything. Money, my career, not being good enough, not making the house exactly how I wanted it asap! I slowly let Satan take the controls. Now, you should know that my diet consists of caffeine (about 3 cups of coffee a day), salty and fried foods with a veggie thrown in, water, and wine.. Well, this is a recipe for disaster. On Tuesday evening, I was in great spirits but began feeling some stomach cramping. I tossed it away, downing a dinner of pasta, some wine and a brownie. The next morning, I was in agony. After being brave and getting ready through it, I called into work and came back home. It felt like a searing burning pain ripping through my upper abdomen. I had never felt anything like it.By Thursday morning, I was at the emergency room willing to do what ever it took to take the pain away for gone! They gave me morphine (craziest sensation ever!!), ran CT scans, pressed and poked all over and sent me home saying I had gastritis, which is inflammation of your stomach caused from eating badly, stress, and lack of water. This blew my mind! I had recently cut out the gym because of budgets and moving, this was my punishment? A little harsh, don't ya think??
After all this, I spiraled downhill, I became an emotional wreck. I wanted Brad home, I was mad I had to do this all alone, I became a shell of the mature adult I was a short time ago. Why did I have to have this go on? I proceeded to have my own little mopey pity party. I cried, I slept (the percocets helped with that), and two days later, I was "back to normal". I had fought with Brad all weekend, mad that he didn't seem concerned enough, then found out his assignment was extended. I wanted to be selfish and had no shame in it. I wanted to fight and I didn't even have a point. Sunday my dad's side of the family was throwing my dad a surprise 60th birthday party and originally, I was going to go but cancelled due to the lovely stomach illness. Sunday morning I decided I needed to suck it up. Most of the 3 1/2 hour drive down, I thought a lot about the events and wondered why things had changed so significantly. What had I done? I realized that all my positive thinking, prayers, and focusing on confidence and building up this positive persona had reverted to the ugly, shameful sinner I was. Where was all my progress?
Bradley works hard, was away in Colorado, and here I was doing whatever I could to make him feel guilty. It was ugly behavior, as my Mema would have said. I sat here and was reading a few blogs about a fellow sister in Christ who experienced the same with her husband, traveling weekly for work. I was suddenly in tears, ashamed of the person I was last week. Mad that I let myself go and didn't even realize it. Bradley kept saying he didn't need it, and he was right. I couldn't even blame him.
In her blog, she listed fighting negativity with positivity through Christ. These scriptures are noteworthy and should be kept in mind daily.
Since my last post, I've hit a negative wall and let it consume all of me. I'm ashamed to say all the work I did in the past months went down the drain when I allowed myself to lose focus and gain attention of negativity surrounding me. Shameful as I feel it may be, I have realized it, over analyzed it way too much, and now have decided to get off my prideful steed and face it all head on. Bradley's job is a blessing, to have a hard working man who does all he does to build our life and future is a God send. Sometimes, I get very selfish and want him to be where I want him when I want him to be. This is quite laughable. If you know either Brad or myself, you know we are an interesting breed. We are very similar hence why we have chosen each other. The differences, however, stem from my sensitivity and his lack thereof. I am more off the wall where he is more grounded. He is secure in his feelings and I can be swayed. He is quick to anger, I am bursting with patience. But all in all, this is the man God gave me and with him, came the challenges that he wanted to put me through so I would become the woman he wanted me to be.
All of that said, I messed up. After the move, I was semi-positive. The usual stresses existed but I slowly let illness and negativity take over. Brad left the day after our anniversary, and up to that point, we had been fighting pretty heavily. He had been home for awhile, we were finding the kinks in our new home, and I was attempting to keep our picturesque looking social media perfect. I was slowly losing the losing fight that I have preached against having in the first place. After he left, I was relieved. We had spent over two weeks together and I hadn't had chance to breathe in the new house alone. I was looking forward to it. I was positive, looking at fall decorations and getting excited about making this home our home. Well, I was placed in a very negative office for the first week after he left, and I thought that my positive thinking would overcome this having any effect of me. Wrongo! During the second week he was gone, I started stressing about everything. Money, my career, not being good enough, not making the house exactly how I wanted it asap! I slowly let Satan take the controls. Now, you should know that my diet consists of caffeine (about 3 cups of coffee a day), salty and fried foods with a veggie thrown in, water, and wine.. Well, this is a recipe for disaster. On Tuesday evening, I was in great spirits but began feeling some stomach cramping. I tossed it away, downing a dinner of pasta, some wine and a brownie. The next morning, I was in agony. After being brave and getting ready through it, I called into work and came back home. It felt like a searing burning pain ripping through my upper abdomen. I had never felt anything like it.By Thursday morning, I was at the emergency room willing to do what ever it took to take the pain away for gone! They gave me morphine (craziest sensation ever!!), ran CT scans, pressed and poked all over and sent me home saying I had gastritis, which is inflammation of your stomach caused from eating badly, stress, and lack of water. This blew my mind! I had recently cut out the gym because of budgets and moving, this was my punishment? A little harsh, don't ya think??
After all this, I spiraled downhill, I became an emotional wreck. I wanted Brad home, I was mad I had to do this all alone, I became a shell of the mature adult I was a short time ago. Why did I have to have this go on? I proceeded to have my own little mopey pity party. I cried, I slept (the percocets helped with that), and two days later, I was "back to normal". I had fought with Brad all weekend, mad that he didn't seem concerned enough, then found out his assignment was extended. I wanted to be selfish and had no shame in it. I wanted to fight and I didn't even have a point. Sunday my dad's side of the family was throwing my dad a surprise 60th birthday party and originally, I was going to go but cancelled due to the lovely stomach illness. Sunday morning I decided I needed to suck it up. Most of the 3 1/2 hour drive down, I thought a lot about the events and wondered why things had changed so significantly. What had I done? I realized that all my positive thinking, prayers, and focusing on confidence and building up this positive persona had reverted to the ugly, shameful sinner I was. Where was all my progress?
Bradley works hard, was away in Colorado, and here I was doing whatever I could to make him feel guilty. It was ugly behavior, as my Mema would have said. I sat here and was reading a few blogs about a fellow sister in Christ who experienced the same with her husband, traveling weekly for work. I was suddenly in tears, ashamed of the person I was last week. Mad that I let myself go and didn't even realize it. Bradley kept saying he didn't need it, and he was right. I couldn't even blame him.
In her blog, she listed fighting negativity with positivity through Christ. These scriptures are noteworthy and should be kept in mind daily.
Here’s 9 Positive Changes We Can Make
1.) Pursue Discernment
“Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning.”
Proverbs 10:13
2.) Hold Your Tongue
“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” Proverbs 10:19
3.) Hold your Tongue Some More! Lol!
“A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” Proverbs 11:12
4.) Overlook Insults
“A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Proverbs 12:16
5.) Use Your Tongue to Bring Healing
“Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs 12:18
6.) Guard Your Lips
“He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.”
Proverbs 13:3
7.) Be Slow to Anger
“A quick tempered man does foolish things.”
Proverbs 14:17
8.) Give Gentle Answers
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
9.) Use Restraint
“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.”
Proverbs 17:27
There’s a lot of
food for thought there in Proverbs. Just think – if we actually
followed the wisdom of God in these verses, how our homes and
relationships would be transformed!
Take heart…we all fail – we all mess up.
The cross says, we are all flawed and in need of God’s grace and
strength to overcome. Repent and apologize to those you have wronged
with your words.
This is what I will leave you with...have a blessed week!!!
..xobb
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